I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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