I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
