you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
