My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
