Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
