The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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