I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
