he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
