I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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