Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
