sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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