then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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