she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
