U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
