First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
