That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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