i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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