I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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