We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
