lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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