so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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