Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
