I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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