I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
