girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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