What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
