and she was petting her beer can
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
