Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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