why do cheetos always look like penises
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
