I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize