Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
