Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
