They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
