someone threw a dead crab at me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
