I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
