I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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