I don't usually arrange sex via text message
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
