Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just want to make out with him forever
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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