i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
