I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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