Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
