Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
