He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
