I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
