If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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