what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
