Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
