be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
