I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
