You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
