Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
