if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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