Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
