I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
