Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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