look no pants
this boner is exhausting
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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