A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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