I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Even my vagina gasped.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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