I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
