i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
